


Big D

by artsyspikedhair



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Abusive Dursley Family, Boarding School, Body Image, Child on Child Sexual Abuse, Childhood Friends, Dementors, Eating Disorders, Gen, Homophobia, Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Learning Disabilities, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Redeemed Dudley Dursley, Self-Harm, Unhealthy Coping Mechanisms
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-09-04
Updated: 2016-09-04
Packaged: 2018-08-13 01:42:16
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Underage
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,457
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7957414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/artsyspikedhair/pseuds/artsyspikedhair
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Dudley Dursley's life was not nearly as perfect as his parents or his cousin would like to believe.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Big D

**Author's Note:**

> I'm not trying to excuse Dudley Dursley's actions. Enabling abuse is a horrible thing, but when you grow up with it, it's hard to know it's wrong. However, there is no excuse for beating up ten year old kids, no matter how awful your life is. I just wanted to try to show that nobody's life is ever as perfect as it seems. Everyone has struggles.

Dudley Dursley's life came down to two big rules.   


Rule #1. Don't be a freak.   


Rule #2. Don't ask questions. 

There were other rules in Dudley's life, but those were the two main ones. Not being a freak included not helping Harry with any of his chores (he tried, as a kid, a few times, and got the frying pan aimed at his head as well as Harry's. Harry was also locked in the cupboard for a week, for "trying to get out of yer job, boy, and for giving Dudley ideas". Petunia later apologized about the frying pan, but the pain and embarrassment of wanting to do a "freak thing" stayed with him.) It also included not reading anything to do with the M word, which were the only books Dudley found interesting. So he just didn't read. He never questioned any of these things, just like he never questioned why Harry was always considered bad no matter what he did. He assumed it had something to do with being dirty and nappy-haired, which Aunt Marge always called Harry. Dudley had learned early on to let things go, and they would go his way. He didn't really want to break the second rule. 

Dudley met Piers in second grade. Piers was smart and fast and not all that good at sports. Dudley, despite his fatness and general unhealthiness, was a natural at football, so the two made a trade. Dudley would teach Piers how to kick, and Piers would teach Dudley how to read. It was a fair enough trade, and it made Dudley feel a lot less guilty about having Harry do his homework, because he had always been told cheating was wrong. During that year, Dudley discovered Piers liked the same TV shows as him, and that he had a wicked sense of humor. Piers, in turn, created the game of Harry Hunting, which Dudley found immense pleasure in. It was nice to have a friend for once, a real friend he could hang out with all the time. 

Life went on like that for a while. Dudley and Piers would hang out all the time, mostly at Dudley's house. At Piers' house, he was ignored at best because his parents were busy with work. Throughout the years, both Piers and Dudley became more aggressive. Dudley took his anger out on Harry. But Piers often took his anger out on Dudley, wrestling and convincing him of new ways to torture the freak, ways even Dudley found cruel sometimes, but in fear of being a pansy or killjoy, never said. 

But then the day Dudley turned twelve came up. Dudley and Piers had a grand time, despite the freak's involvement. The snake's attack came as a surprise, and the days that followed were dreadfully unpleasant. Piers wasn't talking to Dudley because Piers' father had gone mad and decided to take him on a week-long vacation. Meanwhile, Dudley's father had gone mad and took him on a boat in the middle of nowhere, where he'd miss his TV shows and stay awake due to the freezing air. Dudley had never been so resentful of his cousin, who not only got to escape early, but got to go to a magic school! A school of freaks, Dudley's parents would say, but Dudley would give anything to not have to learn math and science and English, to instead be learning Transfiguration and History of Magic. 

Dudley had always had trouble in school. Words seemed to swim on the page as he tried to read, B's becoming D's. Numbers weren't any better. And Dudley's handwriting was so abysmal, Piers had taken to writing down his homework answers for him so he wouldn't go home with D's and F's. 

Smeltings, however, was a reprieve from the harsh eyes of his parents' love, which often came out in smothering overprotective ways that Dudley used to his advantage but still found irritating all the same. Piers came with Dudley, but the two seemed to fall away from each other. Dudley was drowning in homework, while Piers was befriending new people and acing his courses. Dudley had never studied so hard, and found the courses so aggravating he would often poke smaller kids with his Smeltings stick, to make himself feel better. 

Dudley saw things over the summer, when he got home from his first year. He made fun of Harry as a coping mechanism, but still, he noticed. He noticed the way Harry flinched at the frying pan, while using his sarcastic wit against the larger boy, was oddly reminiscent of Piers' way of dodging questions about his home life by insulting the asker. He saw the odd, bug-eyed creature magic the pudding onto the floor, and stayed silent. Dudley was good at keeping secrets. He would think of that later, after his secrets got larger as he did. Was that why he had been chosen? 

Piers befriended Dudley his second year almost as easily as he had in second grade. But something had changed. Piers was different. Sometimes, he would insist that Dudley shower with him. Dudley complied, not wanting to lose his oldest friend. That year they were roommates, and Piers often made comments insinuating Dudley was gay in front of other blokes, but in private, at night, Piers would be the one to climb into Dudley bed and touched him, fondling his crotch until he was hard. Dudley faked being asleep, too scared to say no. Piers was stronger than him. Dudley was uncomfortable and scared, but he stayed silent. This went on almost weekly for the entire year.

Dudley didn't know why Piers was acting like this. He hated himself and thought he deserved it. That year he ate more and more, trying to make himself as unappealing as possible. He threw himself into his studies, but to no avail. That summer Vernon gave him the talk, saying he was growing into a man now and had to find a nice girl. Sex was allowed but use protection, no funny business, and don't go experimenting with blokes. It'll make him weak, Vernon explained, and no girl will want a pansy that goes around touching blokes. Dudley nodded, mind racing. Was Piers a pansy? Was he? He never fought back, he'd gotten hard, maybe he secretly wanted it? But he felt nauseous thinking about Piers, or even being touched by anyone. He was confused and ashamed. 

Piers continued doing what he had been throughout Dudley's fourth year as well. He had gotten more aggressive, pushing him down by the shoulders and sticking his foot up the larger boy's arse. Dudley became more quiet. He avoided conversations at meals by eating more sweets and food in general, piling his plates and making himself stuffed past the point of comfort. He did his work, and he steadily grew fatter and fatter. Girls wouldn't go two feet towards him, and he hoped Piers wouldn't either. He was breaking the first rule, becoming so large there was nothing else to call him but freak or fatso. Eventually it worked. Piers stopped coming into his bed at night and stopped having them share showers. Dudley still felt broken. He had nightmares, and sometimes, he would use his Swiss Army knife to carve into himself. Writing freak into his stomach. Nobody touched him anymore, so nobody would know. 

He joined the gang because he had to. Piers had threatened him, saying he'd go back and tell his parents that their son was a homosexual. He won't deny that it was fun, hurting people who couldn't defend themselves. In his dreams he was defenseless, and in the daytime nobody knew about the unceasing flashbacks that followed him, but in evening, he had the power. He had the control. But then Harry fucking Potter had to go and ruin it. Dudley threw a shot at him, calling Cedric his boyfriend, but Harry had a wand. And then there was that dark thing, and suddenly Piers was shoving his foot up him-don't tell anyone Dudley-freaks don't deserve food- guiltguiltguilt. How could Dudley have been so cruel? To his cousin, no less? It was cold and dark, but then it was gone. The guilt remained. 

Dudley apologized to Harry, and then had to sit in a car of his parents, who asked him what on earth he was thinking. Their cruelty didn't end at Harry. When Dudley apologized, he had become a freak to his parents. And Harry, Harry went off to fight a war against dark wizards. But Dudley had to fight his own war, against his past. Against his mind, and the horrible things he had done and the horrible things that had been done to him.


End file.
